Cotarded

I've been trying to come up with a good first post for this new blog and I think I've finally got one. I decided my first post should chronicle another first: my first big mistake during my clerkships.

It was during my psychiatry clerkship, which let me say was surprisingly enjoyable, and i was working on admitting a new patient. The reason for admission is irrelevant, but for the sake of completeness let's just say he had Koro. The following conversation transpired:

Montgomery: Have you taken any psychiatric medications in the past?
Patient: I tried Celexa for a while.
Montgomery: Did it work for you?
Patient: I suppose, but I stopped taking it because it made me feel like a zombie.
Montgomery: (obviously intrigued) Really?? You felt like the walking dead, doomed to roam Earth for all eternity with no memory of your former self, killing everybody you encounter?
Patient: Well...no.
Montgomery: You had an insatiable craving for human brains?
Patient: No!
Montgomery: If not brains per se, a craving for human flesh in general?
Patient: No.
Montgomery: You felt as though your major organs had ceased to function and your body no longer had needs such as food or oxygen?
Patient: Of course not.
Montgomery: You felt your body was in a constant state of decay?
Patient: Are you serious?
Montgomery: You felt that your bite would make others become like you?
Patient: Please stop.
Montgomery: Well why don't you just tell me how it made you feel like a zombie!
Patient: I felt like my emotions were blunted and I was just going through my day-to-day without any feelings.
Montgomery: Are you *censored* kidding me? That's how you define "like a zombie?" Have you ever seen a *censored* zombie? Obviously *censored* not! If you're going to feed me *censored* lines like that *censored* *censored*, you can just get the *censored* out of my psychiatric unit! *censored*!!!

Needless to say, I got in a little trouble. But I learned my lessons
1. Everybody on antidepressants feels "like a zombie," but it has nothing to do with undeath or consumption of human flesh.
2. Yelling at patients is a no-no.
3. If you're going to kick a patient out of the psychiatric unit without approval from the attending, don't scream and throw a chair at them on their way out. Makes things a little obvious.
4. It's surprisingly easy to stick a syringe into a solid wood door from halfway across the unit.